Monday, December 18, 2006

Raichur - signing out

These boys here at the cybercafe have Aahista-(Kunal Ganjawala), Don't touch me soniye, Kya mujhe pyaar hai, Dil laga na dil jale se, and Tere bin kaise jiyoon on a loop on their system, and sometimes, like now, when there aren't too many people they sing along. I haven't tired of the loop in all this time; I love what it does for my screaming neck muscles at the end of each day.
I 'll probably have to say goodbye when I leave here today. I don't know if it’s strictly necessary. But when people anticipate you everyday at five minutes past six, wonder when you don't turn up, try to keep your favourite system for you, stop being business people and become just people, you tend to want to say bye. I always find it very embarrassing and a little difficult, but I do it anyway.
I'll probably have to say bye to the elderly waiter who has made it his business to see that I account for very meal and coffee I have and see that I am really eating well. And the gap-toothed watchman who helped me photograph the butterfly on the hedge and was so delighted to see it on the display screen. And all the people I am working with. Everybody is already starting to look a little despondent. I hope it’s not too bad this time.
I feel like a fraud every time I leave to return to my real life. But that’s silly and ridiculous. And I suppose it is just a smaller fractal of the larger pattern.


GyanGuru said...

Aww, swetam. it's ok, all feeling is temporary vonly.

tuchhprani said...

GGji: satyavachan! but one is trapped in the sorry state when everything still seems remarkably real.