I may have begun to subscribe to a theory of this friend of mine, Carlos. He always said focusing on happiness is an uncomfortable thing. Not only does it take away from the spontaneity of it, it actually takes the feeling away. Basically that you can never be happy and aware of the fact at the same time. I used to thing that not only was this a frightening thing, but also that it reeked of a certain petulance. I always like to know that I am happy, I never had a problem existing in the warmth of the awareness.
Now I am not so sure. Thinking about a “thing” creates entryways into “it”. Yes that sounds right. So there’s the risk of negative thoughts wading in and infecting “it”. That of course depends on the general atmosphere of thoughts around this Happiness moment. So when the hell did I begin to have more negative than positive thoughts? Shit! Life must have happened to me....
Ab koi khaab sajane mein bhi dar lagta hai,
Lag gayi mujh ko zamaane ki nazar lagta hai